New Issue of USO’s Magazine “On Patrol” Focuses on “Invisible Wounds of War”

The Summer/Fall 2011 issue of USO’s magazine “On Patrol” features articles about the “invisible wounds of war.”

You can read the articles in the digital version of this issue. To find the contents of the issue, click on the third icon from the left on the top of your screen and then click on any of the article titles.

Once you’ve clicked on the article title, you’ll have the first page of the article on your screen. To advance the article, click on the single > to the right of the page number at the top of your screen.

I found the article “Through the Lens of Stacy Pearsall” by Elaine Sanders particularly moving because it is one woman’s story of unrecognized PTSD.

Here’s the intro blurb of the article from the magazine:

As an Air Force photographer, Stacy Pearsall served two deployments in Iraq where she recorded a visual history of what was happening around her. She went on patrols, covered school openings, and was injured twice. It took a friend to recognize her post traumatic stress and encourage her to seek help. [boldface mine]

Read Stacy Pearsall’s story now and then reach out to people you know who may be unknowingly suffering from PTSD and encourage them to get help.

If you want to know more about PTSD, read this PTSD information now.

And if you want to better understand the stresses that can cause PTSD in military personnel (PTSD can result from any trauma), read Theodore Knell’s compelling memoir “From the Corners of a Wounded Mind.”

His book is a mix of narrative and poetry, and his poetry is incredible – capturing the pain of a soldier’s experiences without hitting you over the head.
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Phyllis Zimbler Miller is the author of the novel MRS. LIEUTENANT and the eBook novel LT. COMMANDER MOLLIE SANDERS. Phyllis is the co-founder of the marketing consulting company Miller Mosaic LLC, which works with clients to attract more business. Read her posts at the company's social media marketing blog.

An Unwanted Gift: IEDs

Ex-British Special Forces soldier Theodore Knell wrote a poem too late to be included in his memoir "From the Corners of a Wounded Mind" (see my review of this compelling memoir). It is such a moving poem that I wanted to include it here with this introduction from Knell:

Corporal Liam Tasker was an arms and explosives sniffer dog handler working in Afghanistan. He and his dog, a Springer Spaniel named Theo, held the record for detecting the greatest number of IEDs on a single tour.

Liam was shot dead during a fire fight and Theo died of a seizure some two hours later -- some would say of a broken heart.

An Unwanted Gift

His little body shakes in anticipation
so eager to please
running along the narrow streets
searching every crevice
hoping to find his prize
personally I hope he doesn’t

he’s got something
“Good boy”,
you think so?
Now it’s my turn
but I’m not so eager.
Let’s hope it’s on its own,
but knowing my luck,
it’ll be what some sick bastard named a daisy chain

Buried at the foot of a wall
perfectly placed to channel the blast along the narrow street,
catching as many as they can,
but they’re too late
the boys have gone to ground
well back,
and like Meerkats,
with eyes wide
and heads on a swivel,
they now scour the area
protecting me like some precious jewel

Laying here alone
with my sweat soaking into the sand
I empty my mind of everything,
my wife and son
everything, except for the job in hand,
gently I clear away the earth
picking at it, like a child with a meal it doesn’t want
slowly exposing the deadly gift that’s been left for us
lifting each wire in turn
looking for those tell tale signs
the ones that will tell me it’s not alone

please God, keep my hands steady

I’ve only got a week to go

(c) 2011 Theodore Knell

Coping With Combat Stress: Book Review and WSJ Article

Theodore Knell’s book “From the Corners of a Wounded Mind” is a moving and powerful memoir of a soldier’s life.

The power of Knell’s story comes from what he writes about as well as by including his own poetry as part of his reflections. You can read one of his poems in the guest post he did – “Ex-British Special Forces Soldier Talks About His Experiences and His New Nonfiction Book”

This one poem doesn’t do justice to the amazing ability Knell has to capture the essence of his years as a soldier, including the effect of combat on soldiers.

His book concludes:

I hope that the next time you see a serviceman or woman, or the old man sitting on the homeless shelter steps, proudly brandishing a chest full of medals, you will pause for a moment and try to look beyond that confident, sometimes brash, some would even say arrogant exterior, to the person that lies within. A person who has worked hard, seen things that none of us should ever see, and in some cases suffered horrific injuries without complaint, someone who will continue to suffer in some way, either physically or mentally, but mostly in silence for the rest of their lives.

Only a few hours after reading the ending of Knell’s book, I read the Wall Street Journal April 2nd front-page article “Rx for Combat Stress: Comradeship” by Michael M. Phillips:

GARMSIR, Afghanistan—The morning after Chad Wade died, nobody wanted to walk point.

The Marines in Cpl. Wade's squad no longer had to imagine what would happen if they stepped on a buried bomb. Now they had seen it, and the fresh memory of their friend's shattered legs froze them in place.

When their squad leader, Sgt. Albert Tippett, lined them up for their next patrol, no one would pick up the metal detector used by the point man to clear a path through the mines.

The article goes on to explain “the new approach to combat stress that the Marine Corps wants to institutionalize.”

This new approach appears to be an antidote to what Knell describes so powerfully in his book – the reluctance of soldiers to talk about their horrifying experiences.

Read the entire Wall Street Journal article now. Then read Knell’s paperback book on Amazon or the Kindle version.

And for information on PTSD and its symptoms, see www.insupportofourtroops.com/ptsd-info/

March 22nd tweet on Twitter from @VeteranJournal: Suicide hotline available for deployed soldiers: http://ht.ly/4jJve

Ex-British Special Forces Soldier Talks About His Experiences and His New Nonfiction Book

Guest post by author Theodore Knell:


My name is Theodore Knell. I am an ex-British Special Forces soldier who saw combat all over the world during my 22 years service in the military.

During my time I have served with, and met people from, all walks of life, from world leaders to subsistence farmers, some you wouldn’t follow in a bus queue or leave in charge of an empty pram. But there were others I would have willingly died for, and nearly did on more than one occasion.

It was suggested by my wife that I might benefit from writing about my experiences and feelings as a way of clearing my head, a sort of banishing my demons thing.

If only it were that easy.

The end result was a book entitled “From the Corners of a Wounded Mind” in which I have tried to honestly share my experiences. As such, all of the incidents portrayed within the book are true.

Some are so dark and painful that I often questioned whether I wanted to remain part of this thing they call the human race. Yes, in the really dark times I even considered that.

I have lost six of my closest friends to suicide (after they had left the service) to what can only be the prolonged exposure to combat and the resulting PTSD, and as such this is a subject I am very passionate about.

I also know how hard it can be for our wives and families. These enormously resilient individuals truly are the unsung heroes of the military world.

My wife and small son had to deal with me disappearing at the drop of a hat, sometimes for months on end, not knowing where I was or what I was doing, or even if I was coming back, never complaining and always supportive.

I remember going to work one morning, telling her I would see her at lunch time -- I returned six months later in a wheel chair. Her only comment was: "Your lunch is ruined."

I honestly believe that, if it weren't for her unflinching love and support, I would not be here today.

Along with helping me to address my own problems, the primary purpose of the book was to try to find a way to explain the reasons for my flashbacks, long silences, mood swings and nightmares to my wife without having to relive the pain and trauma of the events all over again.

Below are two excerpts taken from my book:

The first, “The Aftermath,” provides a short background to problems we soldiers face after the physical battles are over and the mental battles begin.

The second, the poem “Reflections,” illustrates how these problems can manifest themselves in everyday life once we have left the service.

The Aftermath

As soldiers we all carry scars; it’s an occupational hazard. Some of these scars will bring a smile to our face as we remember that night, the one where we were too drunk to stand, but still thought it would be a good idea to try and break the regimental assault course record while pissed and in the dark.

Then there are the other scars, those that will fill us with a strange sort of pride. The scars that will mark our right of passage, the ones earned on some distant battlefield. The same scars that over time will become so hard for us to look at or talk about, even to our loved ones, without having to remember the trauma and pain.

But the most damaging scars will be the scars that can’t be seen. The ones that become visible only to us when we are alone, in a troubled sleep, or in the darkness of night.

Such scars can have a devastating effect on both us and our families. It’s why we suffer the mood swings, the flash backs, the recurring nightmares and the enormous anger felt by so many of us even years after the event.

The feelings that, as soldiers, we learned to hide so well before the battle and then refuse to discuss with anybody, including our loved ones, in order to avoid having to relive the horror all over again.

I’ve heard people say: “Pull yourself together; it’s over now; you have to move on.”

These people have no idea what it’s like to be imprisoned in a deep sleep, a sleep you can’t wake up from no matter how hard you try, reliving every sound, smell and taste as you walk through a nightmare which you know will only ever end one way.

Finally waking, moody, angry and totally drained, or even worse, not wanting to go to bed and sleep, because you know what will come if you do.

As Special Forces soldiers we were actively discouraged from talking about our feelings and the personal effects of combat on our mental health. At the time even talking to a doctor could be perceived as some sort of personal weakness, a flaw in our makeup, one which may even result in being RTU’d (Returned To Unit) -- so you learned to keep quiet, bottle it up and crack on.


Reflections

It’s just before the dawn;
they say it’s the darkest hour
and as I wander down these lonely streets
past houses with their curtains drawn,
I envy those warm and content inside
with their trimmed hedges and manicured lawns

The town center,
once a dark and empty place
slowly struggles back to life.
It’s where insomniacs and the tormented mingle unnoticed
amongst those just finishing
or starting their day

At the end of the precinct stands a Starbucks
its yellow lights flickering
like a welcoming beacon amongst the dark and empty stores.
Once inside I grab at my coffee
like a junkie with a long needed fix I’ll head for a corner,
any corner,
as long as I can get my back to the wall
and still see the door

Across the aisle sits a stranger
hunched over a large black coffee,
elbows on table
head bowed
pulling quietly at his unkempt hair,
he has those same smoky eyes
and that thousand meter stare.

There’s nothing on earth that can open up old wounds

like a mirror

Copyright © Theodore Knell 2010

Learn more about Theodore Knell and get his paperback book on Amazon or the Kindle version.

And for information on PTSD and its symptoms, see www.insupportofourtroops.com/ptsd-info/

March 22nd tweet from @VeteranJournal: Suicide hotline available for deployed soldiers: http://ht.ly/4jJve