My Saddest and Most Significant Moments as a Military Spouse

The “Tell-Your-Own-Story” military spouse contest sponsored by www.YourMilitary.com in connection with Lifetime TV’s Season 2 of ARMY WIVES has announced the contest winners. Their names and the winning essays can be read at www.YourMilitaryBlog.com.

Here’s a winning essay by Kathleen P., one of five grand prize winners, followed by a second essay she wrote. Both essays are reprinted with permission from YourMilitary.com:

My Saddest Moment as a Military Spouse

I was sad the day my husband Will left for Iraq. But my saddest day came days later when it finally sunk in that he was in the sand and I was here stateside. I was alone with our four children to raise.

Four tiny lives depended on me to be Mommy and Daddy, and I was crying uncontrollably in the cookie section of the grocery store because out of force of habit I was picking up his cookies and there would be nobody at home to eat them. In that moment I felt the most alone I have ever felt. No hearing his voice on the phone because they had to travel in country to their destination.

I came home to my 18-month-old demanding his DaDa.

That night after everyone was tucked in bed I began to be overcome once again by emotion. Then a tiny figure stood by my bedside offering his teddy. Inside the tiny stuffed creature is a recording my husband made for my son.

Michael pushed his paw and there was my husband’s deep manly voice. I decided then and there I had to get it together and keep it together for the sake of my children. I had to be strong for them. I had to find it deep within myself.

My Most Significant Moment as a Military Spouse

Before I met my husband I worked for the Castle Point VA hospital in New York. I saw the aftermath of war on men. I saw what it did to their bodies and to their minds. I had daily contact with these brave souls and they touch my life in ways they will never be aware.

Time marched on. I met and married a soldier, and we were blessed with four children. Veterans Day 2007 came; my husband was deployed. I packed up the toddler and the three girls into the car and drove off to the ceremony.

During the speeches I got lost in thoughts thinking of my husband who was somewhere in Iraq. I started looking around at the faces of these veterans wondering about all they had seen, places they had been.

My eyes then fell on those ladies seated beside those veterans. Those brave ladies who still supported their husbands. These wives were the generations that had gone before me. I couldn't help but wonder about the lives they led.

These were the military spouse that set the standard and broke the ground for the military spouses of today. These ladies inspire me. They convinced me that all those studies that you hear about the divorce rate in the military is on the rise can be overcome.

I often think back to Veterans Day and those specials ladies seated beside their husbands. I want to be one of those ladies who grow old alongside her husband. I want to inspire the next generation of military spouses or at least touch their lives in some way.

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The Pride of Americans

The “Tell-Your-Own-Story” military spouse contest sponsored by www.YourMilitary.com in connection with Lifetime TV’s Season 2 of ARMY WIVES has announced the contest winners. Their names and the winning essays can be read at www.YourMilitaryBlog.com.

Here’s the essay by Pamela B., one of the five grand prize winners, reprinted with permission from YourMilitary.com:

I have always been proud of the fact that my husband is a Marine (he joined the Corps shortly before we were married). I knew that what he did was important for our country and for the world.

However, two incidences early in his career really opened my eyes on a more personal level to the significance of Marines and all military members and their role in the lives of Americans.

After completing a marching performance at a local cultural festival in Southern California, my husband, his fellow band members, and their spouses were enjoying some treats provided by the event hosts. In mid-bite of his hotdog, a small boy approached my husband and, without saying a word, took a good look at his uniform and saluted him.

My husband hesitated only long enough to put down his food before returning the salute.

About that time, an anxious-looking woman ran up to claim her grandson. She mumbled a quick apology and was about to steer the small boy away when she saw the looks on our faces and knew that we had been moved.

Pausing, she explained that his grandfather had been a Marine and, even though the youngster was only three, his grandfather had taught him about Marines. "Now," she explained, "every time that he sees a Marine, and trust me, he knows the uniform well, he salutes."

We thanked her and her grandson, but even after all of these years, I still remember that small frame with the reverent look and the big salute.

Later that same year, during a performance at the Rose Bowl parade, my husband saw an incident that had a deep impact on him and which moved me when he shared it.

On the outside column of the unit, my husband had a clear view of the bystanders crowded along the parade route. He kept an eye out ahead to avoid any collisions with parade-goers. While scanning the audience ahead, he noticed a person in a wheelchair.

As the band got closer, the individual struggled to rise out of the chair. Two people on either side noticed what the disabled person was trying to do. Each took an arm and helped the person to his feet so that he could stand straight and tall as the Marine band and color guard passed the crowd.

These two incidents, and many others over the course of my husband's career, have given me a broader perspective, beyond my initial personal pride, of Marines and of all those that proudly serve in the armed services.

It was the actions of these two individuals that demonstrated the impact that military members make on the lives of ordinary citizens. How the uniform and those that wear it give pride, hope, and respect to Americans of all ages everywhere.

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Army’s Family Readiness Group (FRG) Has Support and Information Mission

Some of the winning essays in the military spouse contest sponsored by www.YourMilitary.com on the occasion of Season 2 of Lifetime TV’s ARMY WIVES mentioned the FRG. And although I’d heard the term FRG on the show ARMY WIVES, I wasn’t clear exactly what that term meant. (It wasn’t a term I heard back when I was a Mrs. Lieutenant.) So I turned to someone in the know.

Thanks to Candace from An Army Wife's Life blog (www.mollypitcher.blogspot.com) for the explanation below:

An FRG is a "Family Readiness Group" (www.armyfrg.org). The army changed the name to reflect the idea that the army wanted group leaders to pass along official information and prepare spouses and families to be ready for the challenges of the military rather than to "support" them (i.e., do things for them).

It is basically a semi-formalized version of the support and information groups that have always existed to one extent or another.

Technically, it is the responsibility of the company commander (during deployment --Rear Detachment). However, in reality the FRG is usually run by volunteers. The volunteers are supposed to attend training sessions to be group leaders.

If the commander is married and his or her spouse is ready, willing, and able to run the FRG, it can be a real blessing -- passing along valuable official information, providing helpful programs, communicating about resources on post, and also giving families a social outlet (although that's not technically the function of the meetings).

Often today, however, the commander is not married or the spouse has no time or interest to run the FRG. Occasionally another spouse can be found who works well with the commander and everything still runs smoothly. However, in many units the FRG does not exist or is very dysfunctional.

Here are a post and accompanying comments from my blog that give an idea how the FRG is a source of frustration for a lot of spouses: http://tinyurl.com/6dqj7j.

Family readiness is both a unit and a military readiness issue because a prepared family minimizes the distractions on the soldier and encourages retention. As times change, the army is actively looking for ways to ensure that each unit has avenues for families to receive that support, whether it is through FRG volunteers, paid civilian staffers, or the chain of command.