Solomon's Justice, PTSD, Suicides, and CIA FALL GUY

Author Theodore Knell, who spent 22 years as a British Special Forces soldier, has written a compelling post about my proposed TV drama project “Solomon’s Justice.”

Theo’s post begins:

As a nation we routinely ask our military to do things that only the bravest few of us would dare to do, to see things that no one should have to see, and to watch their friends, colleagues and innocent men, women and children die in horrific circumstances. Then we ask them to live with the consequences for the rest of their lives.

Why are we then surprised when the lives of these very courageous souls begin to unravel?

The morning after this post appeared The Wall Street Journal carried this news blurb in the front-page “What’s News” section:

Suicides among U.S. troops are surging, averaging nearly one per day this year, the fastest pace since America began a decade of war.”

The small article insides include the information that there were 146 suicides in the first 148 days of this year. “That is 17% more than at the same point last year and 24% ahead of the 2010 pace.”

I met Theo via the Internet when his nonfiction book FROM THE CORNERS OF A WOUNDED MIND was published. It is an amazing story written in narrative and poetry of the effects of PTSD brought on by the experiences our soldiers must endure to protect us.

Visit (and “like”) his Facebook Page for his upcoming book A HELL FOR HEROES — www.facebook.com/AHellForHeroes

Then read his entire post in connection with my proposed “Solomon’s Justice” project.

And consider what you can do to help active duty military personnel and veterans survive and thrive despite being damaged mentally and physically by their service. Perhaps you know someone who would be interested in furthering the “Solomon’s Justice” project. If so, email me at pzmiller@millermosaicllc.com

P.S. Read the lovely publication announcement of my novel CIA FALL GUY on Mary Elliot Raynor's military retro blog.

© 2012 Miller Mosaic LLC

Phyllis Zimbler Miller is the author of fiction and nonfiction books. Her newest fiction book is CIA FALL GUY (on Kindle Select at http://amzn.to/L38eiP ) — the idea for which came from a May 1972 bombing of the U.S. Army’s Officers Club in Frankfurt, Germany. (Read the blog post about this bombing.)

Combat-Induced PTSD: Affliction of the Mind and Soul

The following is a guest post from Shane Allen Weber, who is the author of Galactic Quest.

I was in the U.S. Army for a little over 10 years, and I have been to Iraq with the 1st CAV DIV on two separate occasions -- both times for more than a year. *(See notes at end of this guest post.)

What is it that causes a grown man or woman to become afraid of the littlest noise or a shadow that they see out of the corner of their eye?

What is it that causes such hate and rage that spills over into their daily lives?
It is an affliction that most warriors suffer from for centuries and we are just now beginning to understand what causes it but have no cure for -- and it is called PTSD.

I am a combat vet who like most combat vets has an affliction that affects everyday life.

Some have lived with this affliction for decades and have never asked for help or even know that they have this problem.

Is life easy for us who have no visible wounds who have deep running scars? No, it is not because no one can tell what is wrong or even if there is something wrong with you just by looking.

Most people don’t see the pain and the emotion of these soldiers who live in constant torment and that of their families.

I go to group therapy where there is a mixture of war vets as far back as the Vietnam era. These guys and gals were the hardest hit by an ungrateful nation upon their return. They were looked at as something less than human.

Not only did they have to relieve the nightmare of the jungle in their minds all the time but they also had to deal with a country who hated them and a VA that was broken and slow at best.

I have had the pleasure of meeting one of the head shrinks that worked with combat vets during the Vietnam era. He told me and some of the others about how these vets were experimented on with electroshock therapy and other painful procedures.

They were treated no better than lab rats, and then when funding ran out, these war vets were tossed to the side to fend for themselves.

I found this to be very appalling, and I was sickened with the thought of my predecessors being treated no better than trash to be thrown to the side.

There has been a great deal of improvement in the treatment of all soldiers in the modern era. The VA works faster to get the compensation to the new batch of disabled veterans due to the “War on Terror.”

The only thing that has me kind of mad is that some Vietnam vets are still waiting for this compensation for the wounds they suffered during their time at war.

There are guys in the group therapy that I currently attend that have diseases caused by exposure to Agent Orange. They have filed many claims through the VA for these conditions and have to wait a year to two years just to hear back on the decision that the medical board makes.

The worst part is the extra wait time that could be tacked on because they try and appeal the decision made by the board.

We talk about a great deal of things in our group. But we rarely ever talk about the underlying problems of our PTSD because these wounds are just too painful, and even if you do get the story out, it is going to still be there haunting you.

This is a fate most of us wish we could escape but cannot.

One of my most painful moments in the Iraq war has been immortalized on Ft. Hood. When I go on post I have to drive by the 1st CAV DIV memorial just to make sure that it is being taken care of.

I would hate for the elements or some inconsiderate person to harm this symbol of my first tour to Iraq. I still remember the day that this statue commemorates almost as if the day were just happening. It all appeared to happen in slow motion.

(The statue at the memorial represents a moment frozen forever of MPs and their medic helping to save a little boy’s life after a mortar attack. These mortars were meant for us and they ended up hitting three children and one adult.)

The emotional pain that PTSD causes for a family can be too much to bear at times. It is very common for the spouse to want to divorce or leave the person with the affliction.

If not kept in check in the family environment, PTSD could be a very dangerous thing.

I have read or heard about too many horror stories of the soldier coming home and killing his family without being aware of what was going on at the time because of the blackouts that can happen.

This blackout period is called “lost time.” To the person who is afflicted this point in time never existed. This tends to cause a great deal of legal problems for these men and women.

Some of the Vietnam vets in my group have had quite a few run ins with the law. The good thing that has come out of this is that there is a movement to try to form special courts to deal with the soldiers who have this disease.

In conclusion, PTSD is something that will affect the person who has it for the rest of his or her life. Their families will have to learn to cope with their loved one having PTSD or the family member will end up leaving the PTSD-afflicted person.

I can personally attest to this because there have been several times where my wife was ready to pick up and leave me. But once she has a little alone time she is fine and we talk about what had happened, and when necessary my wife attends my private therapy sessions.

The biggest thing to remember is that our warriors are still human even though they may act like monsters at times. We did not ask to have this problem thrust upon us, but it is what came along with the service to our country. This is the price that some pay to have served their country voluntarily.

*These statements are based off the observations and stories I have gotten from all my PTSD groups and single therapy. I left all statements generalized because of privacy to the people who spoke of these topics during these therapy sessions. No names were released and will not be release for any reason to protect the privacy of those involved.

Remember: Never take articles at face value. Always do research into whatever it maybe that you are reading about. Some information may be dated or may be different for a separate group of vets. I would like to thank you all for taking the time to read this post. I hope that it helped in some way.

Here are links to learn more about Shane Weber and his writing:

http://aboutmyselfshane.blogspot.com/

http://shaneallenweber.blogspot.com/

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Books-By-Shane-Weber/163271153701047

booksbyshaneallenweber.weebly.com

http://twitter.com/authorGQ

And for help with PTSD:

www.insupportofourtroops.com/ptsd-info

“From the Corners of a Wounded Mind” by Theodore Knell -- http://theoknell.com/my-book/
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Phyllis Zimbler Miller is the author of the novel MRS. LIEUTENANT and the eBook novel LT. COMMANDER MOLLIE SANDERS. Phyllis is the co-founder of the marketing consulting company Miller Mosaic LLC, which works with clients to attract more business. Read her posts at the company's social media marketing blog.

One Aftermath of 9/11: Need to Recognize PTSD in Deployed Troops and Others

On this day, the 10th anniversary of the horrendous attack on the U.S., it is important to also honor and commemorate the men and women of our military who have sacrificed their lives or their limbs or their minds to help protect us from terrorist attacks.

And it is because of incredible coordinated efforts between the U.S. intelligence community and the military community that, only a few months before this 10-year anniversary, the “architect” of this horror was killed in his compound in Pakistan.

But this victory – and the numerous foiled terrorist plots to date – come at a high price. And sometimes this price is not recognized until it is too late – until the person whose PTSD has been undiagnosed kills himself or herself.

PTSD can result from any personal trauma, not just military service.

People who suffered from the loss of someone in 9/11 or from watching on TV as the towers collapsed or from doing rescue work as first responders or for months afterwards may have undiagnosed PTSD.

AND THIS 10TH ANNIVERSARY WITH ALL THE TV SPECIALS AND THE ARTICLES COULD SEND PTSD SUFFERERS OVER THE EDGE.

Please be on the lookout for people displaying symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Learn about these symptoms now.

This past Tuesday I was privileged to be on a Department of Defense Bloggers Roundtable that featured Major Jeff Hall and his wife Sheri.

Hall repeatedly refused to get help upon the return from his second deployment even though something was terribly wrong. But when he seriously contemplated suicide, Sheri Hall took matters into her own hands and saved her husband’s life by going to his commanding officer.

Now husband and wife are part of the Real Warriors Campaign for active duty military personnel and veterans to get help before it is too late.

The Real Warriors Campaign was launched by the Defense Centers of Excellence for Psychological Health and Traumatic Brain Injury (DCoE). Check out this source for help now at www.realwarriors.net/

And listen to the interview with the Halls or read the transcript for the 30-minute bloggers roundtable. Learning this information may save the life of someone you love.

Book recommendation:

I highly recommend Theodore Knell’s compelling memoir of his 22 years as a British Special Forces soldier. With narrative and poetry he expresses what this sacrifice does to a person’s soul. If you do not understand why PTSD can drive people to commit suicide, this book may help you. (You can read an excerpt now.)
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Phyllis Zimbler Miller is the author of the novel MRS. LIEUTENANT and the eBook novel LT. COMMANDER MOLLIE SANDERS. Phyllis is the co-founder of the marketing consulting company Miller Mosaic LLC, which works with clients to attract more business. Read her posts at the company's social media marketing blog.

New Issue of USO’s Magazine “On Patrol” Focuses on “Invisible Wounds of War”

The Summer/Fall 2011 issue of USO’s magazine “On Patrol” features articles about the “invisible wounds of war.”

You can read the articles in the digital version of this issue. To find the contents of the issue, click on the third icon from the left on the top of your screen and then click on any of the article titles.

Once you’ve clicked on the article title, you’ll have the first page of the article on your screen. To advance the article, click on the single > to the right of the page number at the top of your screen.

I found the article “Through the Lens of Stacy Pearsall” by Elaine Sanders particularly moving because it is one woman’s story of unrecognized PTSD.

Here’s the intro blurb of the article from the magazine:

As an Air Force photographer, Stacy Pearsall served two deployments in Iraq where she recorded a visual history of what was happening around her. She went on patrols, covered school openings, and was injured twice. It took a friend to recognize her post traumatic stress and encourage her to seek help. [boldface mine]

Read Stacy Pearsall’s story now and then reach out to people you know who may be unknowingly suffering from PTSD and encourage them to get help.

If you want to know more about PTSD, read this PTSD information now.

And if you want to better understand the stresses that can cause PTSD in military personnel (PTSD can result from any trauma), read Theodore Knell’s compelling memoir “From the Corners of a Wounded Mind.”

His book is a mix of narrative and poetry, and his poetry is incredible – capturing the pain of a soldier’s experiences without hitting you over the head.
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Phyllis Zimbler Miller is the author of the novel MRS. LIEUTENANT and the eBook novel LT. COMMANDER MOLLIE SANDERS. Phyllis is the co-founder of the marketing consulting company Miller Mosaic LLC, which works with clients to attract more business. Read her posts at the company's social media marketing blog.

Please Join New Site by Theodore Knell to Help Soldiers and Their Families

Below is reprinted by permission of author Theodore Knell his information on his new site to help military personnel and their families.

As you may recall from previous posts on this blog, Theodore Knell is an ex-British Special Forces soldier who saw combat all over the world during his 22 years of service in the military.

His book FROM THE CORNERS OF A WOUNDED MIND is an incredibly moving account (complete with poetry) of what it means to serve in the harshest of circumstances.

After reading this post, I hope you will join the Hushed Voices community site. (I already have.)

From Theodore Knell:

I have created a new online community called “Hushed Voices.”

This new community is open to service families across the world, regardless of which flag their warrior fights under, whether its American, English Australian etc, we are all fighting the same enemy, and we all suffer in the same way, and it’s our families who are left to pick up the pieces and cope with the inevitable fall out.

It was only when I started writing my book that I realized just how difficult I had made life for my wife and little boy. How confused they must have been by my mood swings, long silences and just wanting to be alone, not to mention the nightmares and flashbacks.

A very minimal amount of attention and support is focused on the warriors who suffer from combat related PTSD, but even less consideration is given to their families. It was because of this that “Hushed Voices” was born, in an effort to help and support those who are now in the firing line.

The primary purpose behind “Hushed Voices” is to provide the families and loved ones of our warriors with a medium through which they can share their concerns and experiences with others in a similar situation, hopefully discovering what works and what doesn’t and what professional help is available, helping them to cope with this very destructive condition.

Membership of “Hushed Voices” is totally free, but in order to participate fully, that is, to have their voice heard, users will need to register as a member.

I am very aware of how delicate this subject is and that they may not wish to be recognized online by their spouse, friends or others in their community, and I have made allowances for this in the sign up procedure.

However, they will need:

A name: This can be their real name or a pseudonym, but NO idiotic names.

An e-mail address: If they don’t wish to use their primary e-mail address for fear of their participation being discovered, then they can get a free e-mail account from Yahoo, Gmail or other free e-mail service provider. Their e-mail address is not visible to other members and it is never shared or divulged to any third party.

Photo/picture: They don’t have to provide a photo; they can just use the standard “Hushed Voices” silhouette which they can change at any time. But as we all know a picture, whatever it may be, does make it easier for other members to recognize each others posts, comments and connect.

The site is up already and can be found at www.hushedvoices.ning.com

Obviously the site is in its infancy and desperate for members.

Please join now to help yourself or someone you may know.

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Phyllis Zimbler Miller is the author of the novel MRS. LIEUTENANT and her social media marketing company Miller Mosaic Power Marketing works with clients to use social media to attract more business. Read her social media marketing blog.

An Unwanted Gift: IEDs

Ex-British Special Forces soldier Theodore Knell wrote a poem too late to be included in his memoir "From the Corners of a Wounded Mind" (see my review of this compelling memoir). It is such a moving poem that I wanted to include it here with this introduction from Knell:

Corporal Liam Tasker was an arms and explosives sniffer dog handler working in Afghanistan. He and his dog, a Springer Spaniel named Theo, held the record for detecting the greatest number of IEDs on a single tour.

Liam was shot dead during a fire fight and Theo died of a seizure some two hours later -- some would say of a broken heart.

An Unwanted Gift

His little body shakes in anticipation
so eager to please
running along the narrow streets
searching every crevice
hoping to find his prize
personally I hope he doesn’t

he’s got something
“Good boy”,
you think so?
Now it’s my turn
but I’m not so eager.
Let’s hope it’s on its own,
but knowing my luck,
it’ll be what some sick bastard named a daisy chain

Buried at the foot of a wall
perfectly placed to channel the blast along the narrow street,
catching as many as they can,
but they’re too late
the boys have gone to ground
well back,
and like Meerkats,
with eyes wide
and heads on a swivel,
they now scour the area
protecting me like some precious jewel

Laying here alone
with my sweat soaking into the sand
I empty my mind of everything,
my wife and son
everything, except for the job in hand,
gently I clear away the earth
picking at it, like a child with a meal it doesn’t want
slowly exposing the deadly gift that’s been left for us
lifting each wire in turn
looking for those tell tale signs
the ones that will tell me it’s not alone

please God, keep my hands steady

I’ve only got a week to go

(c) 2011 Theodore Knell

Coping With Combat Stress: Book Review and WSJ Article

Theodore Knell’s book “From the Corners of a Wounded Mind” is a moving and powerful memoir of a soldier’s life.

The power of Knell’s story comes from what he writes about as well as by including his own poetry as part of his reflections. You can read one of his poems in the guest post he did – “Ex-British Special Forces Soldier Talks About His Experiences and His New Nonfiction Book”

This one poem doesn’t do justice to the amazing ability Knell has to capture the essence of his years as a soldier, including the effect of combat on soldiers.

His book concludes:

I hope that the next time you see a serviceman or woman, or the old man sitting on the homeless shelter steps, proudly brandishing a chest full of medals, you will pause for a moment and try to look beyond that confident, sometimes brash, some would even say arrogant exterior, to the person that lies within. A person who has worked hard, seen things that none of us should ever see, and in some cases suffered horrific injuries without complaint, someone who will continue to suffer in some way, either physically or mentally, but mostly in silence for the rest of their lives.

Only a few hours after reading the ending of Knell’s book, I read the Wall Street Journal April 2nd front-page article “Rx for Combat Stress: Comradeship” by Michael M. Phillips:

GARMSIR, Afghanistan—The morning after Chad Wade died, nobody wanted to walk point.

The Marines in Cpl. Wade's squad no longer had to imagine what would happen if they stepped on a buried bomb. Now they had seen it, and the fresh memory of their friend's shattered legs froze them in place.

When their squad leader, Sgt. Albert Tippett, lined them up for their next patrol, no one would pick up the metal detector used by the point man to clear a path through the mines.

The article goes on to explain “the new approach to combat stress that the Marine Corps wants to institutionalize.”

This new approach appears to be an antidote to what Knell describes so powerfully in his book – the reluctance of soldiers to talk about their horrifying experiences.

Read the entire Wall Street Journal article now. Then read Knell’s paperback book on Amazon or the Kindle version.

And for information on PTSD and its symptoms, see www.insupportofourtroops.com/ptsd-info/

March 22nd tweet on Twitter from @VeteranJournal: Suicide hotline available for deployed soldiers: http://ht.ly/4jJve

Ex-British Special Forces Soldier Talks About His Experiences and His New Nonfiction Book

Guest post by author Theodore Knell:


My name is Theodore Knell. I am an ex-British Special Forces soldier who saw combat all over the world during my 22 years service in the military.

During my time I have served with, and met people from, all walks of life, from world leaders to subsistence farmers, some you wouldn’t follow in a bus queue or leave in charge of an empty pram. But there were others I would have willingly died for, and nearly did on more than one occasion.

It was suggested by my wife that I might benefit from writing about my experiences and feelings as a way of clearing my head, a sort of banishing my demons thing.

If only it were that easy.

The end result was a book entitled “From the Corners of a Wounded Mind” in which I have tried to honestly share my experiences. As such, all of the incidents portrayed within the book are true.

Some are so dark and painful that I often questioned whether I wanted to remain part of this thing they call the human race. Yes, in the really dark times I even considered that.

I have lost six of my closest friends to suicide (after they had left the service) to what can only be the prolonged exposure to combat and the resulting PTSD, and as such this is a subject I am very passionate about.

I also know how hard it can be for our wives and families. These enormously resilient individuals truly are the unsung heroes of the military world.

My wife and small son had to deal with me disappearing at the drop of a hat, sometimes for months on end, not knowing where I was or what I was doing, or even if I was coming back, never complaining and always supportive.

I remember going to work one morning, telling her I would see her at lunch time -- I returned six months later in a wheel chair. Her only comment was: "Your lunch is ruined."

I honestly believe that, if it weren't for her unflinching love and support, I would not be here today.

Along with helping me to address my own problems, the primary purpose of the book was to try to find a way to explain the reasons for my flashbacks, long silences, mood swings and nightmares to my wife without having to relive the pain and trauma of the events all over again.

Below are two excerpts taken from my book:

The first, “The Aftermath,” provides a short background to problems we soldiers face after the physical battles are over and the mental battles begin.

The second, the poem “Reflections,” illustrates how these problems can manifest themselves in everyday life once we have left the service.

The Aftermath

As soldiers we all carry scars; it’s an occupational hazard. Some of these scars will bring a smile to our face as we remember that night, the one where we were too drunk to stand, but still thought it would be a good idea to try and break the regimental assault course record while pissed and in the dark.

Then there are the other scars, those that will fill us with a strange sort of pride. The scars that will mark our right of passage, the ones earned on some distant battlefield. The same scars that over time will become so hard for us to look at or talk about, even to our loved ones, without having to remember the trauma and pain.

But the most damaging scars will be the scars that can’t be seen. The ones that become visible only to us when we are alone, in a troubled sleep, or in the darkness of night.

Such scars can have a devastating effect on both us and our families. It’s why we suffer the mood swings, the flash backs, the recurring nightmares and the enormous anger felt by so many of us even years after the event.

The feelings that, as soldiers, we learned to hide so well before the battle and then refuse to discuss with anybody, including our loved ones, in order to avoid having to relive the horror all over again.

I’ve heard people say: “Pull yourself together; it’s over now; you have to move on.”

These people have no idea what it’s like to be imprisoned in a deep sleep, a sleep you can’t wake up from no matter how hard you try, reliving every sound, smell and taste as you walk through a nightmare which you know will only ever end one way.

Finally waking, moody, angry and totally drained, or even worse, not wanting to go to bed and sleep, because you know what will come if you do.

As Special Forces soldiers we were actively discouraged from talking about our feelings and the personal effects of combat on our mental health. At the time even talking to a doctor could be perceived as some sort of personal weakness, a flaw in our makeup, one which may even result in being RTU’d (Returned To Unit) -- so you learned to keep quiet, bottle it up and crack on.


Reflections

It’s just before the dawn;
they say it’s the darkest hour
and as I wander down these lonely streets
past houses with their curtains drawn,
I envy those warm and content inside
with their trimmed hedges and manicured lawns

The town center,
once a dark and empty place
slowly struggles back to life.
It’s where insomniacs and the tormented mingle unnoticed
amongst those just finishing
or starting their day

At the end of the precinct stands a Starbucks
its yellow lights flickering
like a welcoming beacon amongst the dark and empty stores.
Once inside I grab at my coffee
like a junkie with a long needed fix I’ll head for a corner,
any corner,
as long as I can get my back to the wall
and still see the door

Across the aisle sits a stranger
hunched over a large black coffee,
elbows on table
head bowed
pulling quietly at his unkempt hair,
he has those same smoky eyes
and that thousand meter stare.

There’s nothing on earth that can open up old wounds

like a mirror

Copyright © Theodore Knell 2010

Learn more about Theodore Knell and get his paperback book on Amazon or the Kindle version.

And for information on PTSD and its symptoms, see www.insupportofourtroops.com/ptsd-info/

March 22nd tweet from @VeteranJournal: Suicide hotline available for deployed soldiers: http://ht.ly/4jJve